Night Owls, Flounders, and Talking Equines
by lucidscreamer
Summary: Or, 80s Cartoons: More Surreal than a Fistful of Dalis. Yami figured that the sky in Joey's world was paisley and rained jelly doughnuts on alternate Thursdays... Epilogue series ficlet.


Disclaimer: _Yugioh_ is the creation of Kazuki Takahashi. _She-ra_ and _He-man and the Masters of the Universe_ belong to Filmation.

Author's Note: Blame this one on my chronic insomnia and Qubo's "Night Owl" programming. Insanity, thy name is 'Filmation.'

Series: Epilogue (For other stories in the series, please visit my profile.)

Pairings: None, really, but implied Yami/Yugi.

* * *

><p><span>Night Owls, Flounders, and Talking Equines <span>

(Or, 80s Cartoons: More Surreal than a Fistful of Dalis)

By Lucidscreamer

-o0o-

"_Broil me in butter and call me a flounder!_"

Having wandered downstairs in search of his partner, Yami snapped his head around to stare at the television, from whence the unexpected voice originated. A simplistic but colorful animated cartoon featuring overly muscled characters was currently playing on the screen. His brow furrowed. "What in the world are you watching?"

Joey leaned his head over the back of the sofa and grinned at him upside down. "She-ra!"

Assuming that Joey meant this to answer his question and not as a random exclamation, Yami pressed onward. "What's a 'she-rah' when it's at home?"

"He-man's sister."

There was a long pause, during which Yami reminded himself that he wasn't allowed to smite his friends, even when they were being, well, _Joey_. "You're doing this just to annoy me, aren't you?"

"She-ra is He-man's sister," Joey said, as if this made complete sense. Maybe in his world it did. (Of course, Yami figured that the sky in Joey's world was paisley and rained jelly doughnuts on alternate Thursdays, so...) "She got her own spin-off show from his cartoon, _He-man and the Masters of the Universe_."

The vein in Yami's temple started to throb. The part of him that wasn't irritated was impressed; usually, Dark Bakura was the only one who could set off that particular vein.

"Could you start speaking English again at some point, preferably before I do something that Yugi will make me sleep on the sofa for?"

Joey's grin widened to one of the shit-eating variety. "Guess we know who wears the pants in your relationship, huh?"

"For the last time! It's a _kilt_, not a skirt!"

"Toh-_may_-toh, toh-_mah_-toh, man."

Yami was beginning to regret having started this conversation. On the television screen, the crudely drawn characters were doing something incomprehensible involving a swordswoman in a mini-dress and go-go boots, the "honor of Grayskull," and a... talking horse/rainbow-winged unicorn-thing?

"...Do you have to be on drugs to understand this show?" Yami blurted, gaze fixed to the cartoon in something like fascinated horror. He thought he could feel his brain trying to crawl out of his ears in order to escape.

"Y'know, I never actually _understood_ this show ...or He-man, for that matter. Just watched 'em, played with the action figures, and thought they were kinda cool." Joey scratched at the back of his head and laughed. "Of course, I was _nine_ at the time."

At nine years old, Yami had been learning how to govern one of the most powerful kingdoms in the world. Once again, it struck him just how different his upbringing had been from those of his friends. He offered a silent prayer of thanks that he had never been subjected to – he frowned at the credits now streaming across the television screen – _Filmation cartoons_ during his formative years. Apparently, his Yugi _had _been, and had survived relatively unscathed, but...

"And this is considered suitable entertainment for children?" he asked with a wave at the TV, just to make certain he wasn't misunderstanding and the hallucinatory images were actually intended as some form of psychedelic torture. He couldn't imagine even the most hardened criminal resisting interrogation if subjected to enough of Go-Go Swordswoman and the blond himbo who wanted to be known as a fish.

"Yep!" Joey flopped back down onto the sofa cushions, tucked his hands behind his head, and propped his feet on the coffee table. "In fact, that episode was pretty tame. Remind me to show you the one where She-ra climbs a rope into outer space while wearin' a fishbowl helmet made from her magic sword and—"

"Enough!" Yami shuddered. "Please tell me Yugi does not watch this... 'She-rah' or 'He-man.'"

"Nah. He says he gets his daily allowance of crazy easy enough without deliberately tryin' to add to it. Bakura's darker half _loves_ 'em, though."

Well, Dark Bakura was insane, so this was unsurprising. Highly indicative, perhaps, but not surprising.

"I'll be sure to send Ryou a sympathy card."

Yami looked away from the television, which was now showing a space sheriff and yet another talking equine. With a Big-Ass Gun. Because, of course, talking space horses would be heavily armed. (Possibly there was an explanation for this. Deciphering it would require sacrificing more brain cells by actually _watching_ the cartoon, however, and Yami figured he had risked his sanity plenty for one day.)

He edged toward the door. "By the way, have you seen Yugi?"

"He's in the kitchen, fixin' a late night snack."

Excellent. Yami was starving. "What's he making?"

Joey grinned. "Broiled flounder."

-o0o-

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><p>Trivia:<p>

The _She-ra_ episodes mentioned in this story exist. (Oh, god, do they exist.) I think I hurt myself laughing at the one with the "hey, let's climb a rope into space and prance around in a fishbowl helmet, toga, and go-go boots, whee!" scenes... although the "let's re-enter the atmosphere using nothing but a trash can lid* as a heat shield" scene that followed was even better.

*Yes, all right, it wasn't a trash can lid. It was She-ra's sword, transmuted into a shield. Because that makes _so_ much more sense. :headdesk:

In my market, Qubo uses the "Broil me in butter and call me a flounder!" line in all the promo spots for its Night Owl programming. Because they are evil like that.

The show with the space sheriff and his heavily armed horse is _BraveStarr_, another Filmation venture into the surreal. (Seriously, did they only employ Dadaists in their animation department in the 80s? The scripts for these shows are like games of Exquisite Corpse that have been animated and broadcast to an unsuspecting public.) _BraveStarr_ follows _She-ra_ in Qubo's Night Owl block. Because they are evil like that.**

**No, really. Evil like an evil thing on steroids. You doubt me? _They also show Filmation's "Ghostbusters"_ - not to be confused with _The Real Ghostbusters_, which added the "real" to its title to avoid said confusion. (RGB is a good, generally well-written show. Filmation's cartoon, based on the earlier live-action show and featuring a gorilla named Tracy, is... _alskdghlkelgh_. Srsly.)

"...a Fistful of Dalis" is a pun on the movie title, "A Fistful of Dollars." Dali, of course, refers to Salvador Dali, the Surrealist artist.

This has been sitting on my hard drive for a while now, so I'm happy to finally have it completed and posted.


End file.
